are you still stalking me here?

just checking. and just kidding.

full circle.

so now you want to be with me forever (again) and now i want to pull away (first time) as i don’t really trust you and we still haven’t worked out all of our issues, together or alone. and we both now we need to start with alone. step 1, you move. step 2, we spend time apart and figure out who we really are. step 3, we decide about getting back together. and step 4, if we do, we work out all the passive-aggressive bs and treat each other as we really want and deserve. step 5 might involve eventually talking about all of the forever and that sort of stuff kind of thing.

it's 4...

well, practically. call me some sort of exaggerator. but i’ve been awake next to you all night and i just don’t see sleep in sight. and somehow you just lay there until i move one inch, and breathe like it was terrible to have twitched. no wonder the sun is here too quick, even in this late winter dawn.

one step back.

ok paula abdul. lets take a step back. and see where that goes. i’ll give you three guesses. hopefully one of them is backwards.

if...

you loved me as you said you do, you would never want to go.

beauty...

i know the world.
have accepted it in my heart,
and my heart’s place has been
duly noted.

owing nothing, we co-exist.
lacking hatred or passion,
we are mutually uninterested:
it is a lack of faith.

i am so confused.

brain muddled from the long flight and tired both physically and now emotionally too, from the fighting, from the drama, and i just have no stamina left. i am too sore. so why do i still care?

jesus cold tired

it is practically snowing here, with a cold rain that has been sputtering along for 3 days. i just couldn't sleep, i've been up for a few hours already. i really don't quite understand why people live in the snow, in the cold. i guess it is just a lack of options, the california coast wouldn't be so hot if 300 million americans lived there in giant skyscrapers, ditto for south florida. although that would make for a more amusing hurricane season...

all i know is, jesus, i am cold and tired. time to get up and adjust the thermostat.

why have...

i forgotten how to fall asleep? perhaps this is the proof of a soul that i have been holding out for.

and yet she hates poetry...

the driftwood tentacles that grasp the sandless shore
tell stories
each and every one,
about from where and when they were discarded...

i can't believe...

that this is happening again.

neruda, briefly

quiero hacer contigo
lo que la primavera
hace con los cerezos

what, exactly does spring do to the cherry trees? it makes them burst forth in bloom. i would very much like someone to do for me what spring does for the cherry trees. but it is odd to look to others for that spark we should be able to find within ourselves. maybe it is just the cold, the ice and snow outside. or perhaps my mind is dull. or maybe, just maybe, the idea of someone else is just appealing.

breathe in the air...

the garage where i park my car is adjacent to a park that has converted much of its open area into playing fields. after sliding into a spot late last night i bundled up in layers for the long walk home in the snow that was still easing its way down. the stairs down to the ground floor run past the soccer field. and there they were. crazy soccer fanatics. in shorts. playing. in the middle of the night. teams even, with uniforms, shin guards, matching shoes. their breath expelled into the cold air like word bubbles, silently expressing the calls they were making to each other as they moved down the field.

i stopped to breathe in the air and shaking slightly with the chill, decided to run home.

i think this might kick livejournal's butt...

so far this looks much nicer than livejournal. i fully anticipate moving here when i have time to do so.